Hi all. It’s been eons. There’s been lots going on and I feel compelled to explain, both for you and really for me. You know, some sort of justification for disappearing.
First and foremost, I wanted to. Somewhere in my heart and mind, my mentality towards writing, blogging, and social media changed. I didn’t like how focused (to put that nicely) I’d become on getting the perfect picture or a perfectly written no-typos, SEO approved post that would appeal to all and the pressures of deadlines were all eh to me. I’m not sure I ever wanted this to be a “job”. I have one of those, and honest? It currently pays lots better. I started to lose sight of things I didn’t want to. Not my family, they’re too loud for that to happen 😉 but other things. My heart wasn’t in it, so I stopped.
But as I stepped away, it was evident I wasn’t alone in some of my feelings. Instagram changed how they display posts (which for those who do rely on it to help support their families) has been incredibly frustrating and scary and my heart goes out to you. But lots of bloggers burn out and I’ve seen it more and more lately. It’s a full time stressful “job” that many people aren’t aware of. Many become so focused on the followers/popularity it’s concerning how much of a “second idol” it becomes. I needed to breathe again. I needed out.
Bailey at braveloveblog said it beautifully; and when she stepped away it only reaffirmed my feelings. Most every blogger also knows about Young House Love‘s hiatus (FYI – do not claim one bit to be their caliber!!). Or most recently Stephanie over at Wife Mommy Me.
That social media world is a scary unrealistic place. I have been blessed with loads of confidence. Shyness yes, but confident nonetheless. In fact, Caleb has on more than one occasion compared me to Kanye. I’ll take that, ha! I’m proud of my confidence. I’m always going to do what’s best for me, Caleb, and my kids no matter what. I don’t need approval and I can rock those PJ pants at target like no body else. But social media can break that down realllll easy and I didn’t like it. Don’t even get me started on young people who don’t have that same confident self esteem.
So I stopped. Cold turkey.
And it was amazing! I had so much time and my to do’s got crossed off and I was happier, more patient, and just all around more chill.
Well then the second big thing around here this year happened: baby!
Yea, being pregnant, sick, tired and still trying to be a wife, mom to 4, and employee (because I still have that other job) pretty much took every ounce of time and energy from me.
Sure I missed some of the connections and friends, but lots I made intentional efforts to stay connected with. They’re my girls! The negativity and judgement was amazing to get rid of! Hey, even Kanye has his moments 😉
Then we moved. Into a giant fixer upper. While being 5 months pregnant. And new school schedules . So yea there’s just the straight up logistics of timing and making time for what I want. Which is currently cleaning and decorating this place. #priorities #familyfirstalways
Soooo what does this all mean? Honestly I have no idea. Some parts I do genuinely miss. Some parts are heaven sent they’re long gone. I have literally 50 some half written posts about a million happenings in life over the last 9 ish months. Will I ever do anything with them? Maybe. They’re my family’s memories and that’s what got me started in this anyway. But will it be the same for either of us? I don’t know friend, I just don’t know.
Some of you maybe have noticed I started posting over on Instagram again, yep I have. But nothing is “perfect” or “styled” or getting 100s of likes and I’m totally cool with that. They’re snippets of our life and important to me, so I want them together. It’s a start. It’s what I’m comfortable and happy with. For now. Maybe. Ah heck who knows.
It’s almost Christmas and I’m days away from another babe, so life is just magical right now and I don’t want to miss a moment.
So if we don’t talk before the holidays, I wish you all the joy and love and happiness this season!