My sweet boy,
You made me a Mom 9 years ago today and I’ll never forget that brief moment I got to hold you and my whole world stood still for just a minute, until the doctors and nurses rushed you away. I unintentionally took a trip down memory lane last week. I was looking for a photo to send someone, and I started with the photos the day you were born and just keep scrolling by, watching you grow and your life unfold in the thousands of pictures I have of you. So many amazing memories together and so many that sometimes I just want to forget happened, but no matter how hard I try I can’t, they’re who we are. Dad and I laughed at how similar Harv looks to you in so many! Wearing your hand-me-downs wasn’t helping the twin factor.
You’re growing up so fast. It’s been hard on me. Real hard. This last year I feel like this giant bubble popped up between us. I don’t drop you off of pick you up from school anymore, my job and Harv got in the way of that. That extra hour of the day I lost has hit me hard. I miss you. I worry about you. Lots. I worry about your grades, your brain, your thinking, your school work, your heart, your soul. I live for the moments where we can play together and it’s not on your tablet and it’s just you and me.
I knew getting married would make our life better, you have a wonderful person to call Dad and two step siblings to call brother and sister. I knew having Harvey would give you so much in such a different way. But I also knew it would be hard, because it would change what once used to be our little family. Sometimes I think you feel it, but more so I know I do. None of it helps that you’re just plain old getting older and I’m not really on your radar as much. Minecraft, toys, and friends have taken over. I thought I still had time for this. I’m not ready!
I still want to give you everything and I feel like I fail you. It doesn’t help that what I think is best, is not what you think is best. So listen to me now.
I promise you:
School is important even if you want to be a YouTube-r.
The only way you get better is practice.
Closing your mouth when you chew is polite and a girl will thank me one day. (Thanks Nancy, just in case you ever said that to Caleb, too.)
Doing chores teaches you responsibility.
Doing your homework works your brain and teaches you to be accountable.
Manners and hard work will get you places.
Respecting authority is needed to be a decent person in society. There’s a time and a place to stand up to and for people, but right now it’s not me and Dad.
College is not an option. Not in this family.
Harv does and will love you with a tremendous love, but holding his hands and forcing him to love you now, well you’ll regret it in 5 years love. Give him space now, he’ll give you space then.
You’re still the most special and important and lovable Jack I know. I loved you first. I’ve always loved you. I always will. My heart will always just grow.
Nine is our year sweetie, I can feel it. You have big things coming and I’m going to be right there with you. Just like always.
I love you. We love you.
Happy birthday King Bob!