How Do You Know When You’re Done Having Babies?

I had Jack when I was fairly young and with his heart defect, it was a lot to handle. I was finishing college, semi living in a hospital, and making deals with God daily. When we survived and passed that phase and life had settled down, it was nice and comfortable and the prospect of more babies was no where near my thought process. With a college degree, job hunting, house hunting, and raising a preschooler, I was busy. I wasn’t dating or even close to being married. I was done having babies and 100% cool with that.

Then I met Caleb. I knew on our first date I was going to marry him (just ignore the many many times I said “no” when he asked), and all of the sudden I wanted more babies with him. Yes plural – as in more than 1. He, on the other hand, was very ok to be done.

As our relationship grew and we discussed marriage, we decided that yes more kids would be good. We were not confident on its greatness, so ‘good’ was the only outcome of that conversation. We were out of that baby stage; the kids were 6, 8 and 9. We weren’t sure how adding another person to the mix would… well, mix. And honestly, we know babies are hard on marriages and as a new couple already tackling lots, it was scary.

But it didn’t stop us (obviously, we have Harv!). It wasn’t as easy as we ever thought though either. We both had kids previously, we assumed (well you know what they say there) that I’d get pregnant immediately and 9+ months later, we’d be parents together. I did get pregnant exactly when we planned, but after an early miscarriage that shocked both of us to our core, more attempts were put on the back burner.

Months later after mostly approval from my doctor, we found out I was pregnant. But we weren’t out of the woods yet. Having two children with serious medical conditions already, we knew we would be in for lots of appointments and check ups. I was good with it; it felt safe. Thankfully we got the all clear that Harv was and is a perfectly healthy little dude. Read more about his birth story here if you’re into that!

So where do we stand now? Well, that’s the problem. We don’t know. We both love babies, especially the playful and curious age that Harvey is right now. But we haven’t slept in 2 years and I’m not sure if I write well enough for you to understand this, but Harvey is a holy terror. He is crazy and exhausting and the absolute cutest little thing ever. Definition of parenthood right there.

I’ve read so many articles about how you know and I’ve asked millions of people and the answer is the same: You just know. Hmmm. I didn’t get that feeling then.

So, I’m asking you! How did you know? Maybe you are still deciding too! What have you considered? Are you ok with your decision? Bring on the info, I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts. Serious, help a friend out!

pssst. Yes I know, Caleb and I should be making this decision ha! We do talk about it probably weekly. We do know that now is definitely not the right moment, but we are still unsure about the future and so yes, maybe you’ve thought about something we haven’t!



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