Statistics are stacked high against Caleb and my marriage. Caleb was married and divorced prior to us meeting, so we are categorized into the second marriage section, even though I was not married before. The rate of divorce is significant – like somewhere in the 60-70% chance range. As a numbers gal, that’s frightening. However, I know me, I know him, and I have zero worries, now. Wasn’t always the case, but that’s another story for another day.
We’re in a different season of our marriage than most people that we know. We have older children but have only been married two years and we have only ever known each other as parents raising little humans. That really changed the dynamic of us dating and even our marriage now. I believe that’s why so many second marriages fail. It’s not at all like dating a single child-less person. Our marriage can’t just happen naturally. It’s intentional and purposeful. Every day.
As a dating couple, we didn’t just date each other we dated each other’s children, too. We’d go on family dates, on dates with just 1-2 kids, and then “just us” dates. It helped us learn to see each other as a couple, but also how it would work as a family, and siblings. Our children have always been a main focus of our life together, which is great. Neither of us would change that. BUT….
We’ve never experienced that 1:1 time. The non-child raising time. The non-busy time. The “hey, let’s go out tonight” time. That doesn’t mean we won’t get it, it just means we have to be patient and earn it. It will come. I don’t doubt that, it’s just not now. When the kiddos are grown and gone, we’ll have all the time to date and be free and I know we both are looking forward to that so much.
But not yet. And not too soon. Because we love our babies and aren’t ready to see them go. It’s bittersweet. Something wonderful to look forward to, but it comes at a cost. A cost I’m all too aware of. A trade-off that will come in all due time. But please, not yet.
A while back, I was at the grocery store and our regular cashier that we love and adore, was surprised that only Harv & I were there (usually it’s the whole crew). My heart, hands, and cart were very full that day and she smiled and all she said was “these are the best days of your life, I promise” and I nodded because I know. I know oh so well. And even though our future looks pretty darn grand and adventure filled, so is our present.
If this is your second marriage, your spouse’s second marriage, or well you’re just feeling crazy because you have lots of little ones at home and you’re feeling like your marriage is falling behind. Hang in there, your time will return, too. Maybe you’re lucky and it’s a date tomorrow. Or maybe you need to wait like us. Either way it’s worth it. Caleb’s worth it. I’m worth it. Our kids are worth it.
When we miss out on our dates and life gets extra busy with all the kids’ stuff, I smile because one day I know we’ll get our time & I know we’ll miss this, too.